How has it been 365 days since you went to be wth Jesus? I can’t understand how so much has happened in this past year and yet, somehow, it all feels like a blur. I miss you so much (and that is an understatement). I wish I could somehow find the words to describe how it feels not to have you here. I think the reason I can’t is because I can’t grasp the fact that you’re truly gone. I honestly just feel like I’ve gone too long without a visit, and when I show up to your house, you’ll be there. I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that you’re not here. One entire year since I lost such a huge part of my life.
I selfishly wish that you were still here with us, though I know it was your time to be with God. Of course, I never wanted to let you go, but ALS took you from us way too soon. I kept thinking about all of things that you’re going to “miss”. Today, sitting at your grave, I realized that you’re not really “missing” anything. You’re in heaven, with Jesus, witnessing all of the things happening in our lives. You see our highs and our lows. You celebrate with our milestones. You aren’t “missing” these events, but we are missing you. Sometimes I have days where I go into a downward spiral thinking about all the moments where we’d do anything to have you here. Graduations, engagements, weddings, births, new homes, new jobs… and no you. What I wouldn’t give to have you here for those moments.
I miss your light-hearted spirit. I miss your huge smile and even bigger laugh. I miss the way you were so passionate about passing on knowledge. You got a skip in your step when you were able to teach us something you were passionate about. I miss your hoagies… honestly, they were the best. I loved that you always made us a big hoagie so we could eat the other half later. I miss your stories. I wish I would’ve listened to more. I am so incredibly thankful for all of our memories. I try so hard to focus on them and remember the incredible times we all had together.
You were such an incredible example. You and Grandma showed us all what true love looks like. You were so giving, selfless, and would’ve done anything to make her happy. You showed us how to be patient, level-headed, and kind. I never saw you angry, upset, or discouraged. You loved God, you loved your family, and you always made sure that we came first.
I hope your dancing and having a great time in heaven, eating crab legs, watching a baseball game, and probably still keeping tabs on the stock market (you loved that!). Say hi to me sweet little baby up there. Tell him or her that we loved them so much, even if we only had them for a short time. One day, I will see you again and give you the biggest hug. Please know that we all miss you so much.
I’ll see you again one day,